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Making a marriage last takes work and many couples simply just grow apart. This issue is very common in couples that marry young, and it is easy to understand. At age eighteen or twenty, you are certainly a very different person than you will be at age 30.
When you are young, your interests and direction are still evolving. And, when that evolution begins to slow and the couple find themselves in their thirties or forties, they may suddenly discover that they have grown apart.
If you find yourself approaching middle age with little in common with your spouse, you may feel like strangers. Maybe you’ve run out of things to talk about – other than your children – or you find yourself alone on a Saturday afternoon, trying to remember what to say.
One thing that helps keep couples together is to have common interests or hobbies. Now I'm not saying you need to do everything together or that you must buy a rifle and get to a practice range if your husband is an avid hunter. But you might look for common areas of interest that you can expand on together.
Here are some other ideas you can consider, if you are looking for ways to share your interests and bond with your spouse.
If you don’t want to take on something that interests your spouse, and jump in with both feet, you can still ‘share’ your thoughts and let them know you noticed what is important to them.
Try clipping an article about favorite football team, or record a TV appearance by your wife’s favorite actor. Better yet, read a newspaper article about something that interests your spouse and talk to them about it over dinner. Ask them questions about what you read and what they know about the topic and watch their face light up.
Next time your spouse talks about their favo
rite activity, really listen to them and be a part of the conversation. Listen to clues as to what makes this hobby so special to them and how you can get involved.
Talk to them about what you find interesting in the subject. For example, if your husband belongs to a book club and he always talks about the books he is reading, ask him about his favorite authors or what kinds of books he likes best – mystery, suspense, sci-fi.
If you don't have a compelling desire to share their hobby or interest you should at least let them know that you respect and honor it. Register your gourmet cook spouse in a local session with a famous chef or find a website or a recipe you think will interest them.
A particularly effective and favorite way to develop a common interest is to look at what interests the both of you now. Then try to find a common area or a ‘type’ of activity you both like.
An example might be if both of you like sports, but you don’t have a sport in common.
Perhaps you bowl and you work out at the gym, and your wife runs. So, you are both in good physical condition and you both like to be active. Maybe you’d like to take a sailing course together.
Eventually, you might even buy a boat if you both like the activity. But, for right now, start small.
If you both like music and there is one kind that you both like, buy tickets to a concert and go see the artist.
Or take the day to go to a museum or fair that has things that you both might like. You can visit your favorites exhibits together and show each other what you like most about each part.
Along the way, you will rediscover the things you love about each other and the things you already have in common. And together you might just develop some new interests!
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